Sunday, December 30, 2012

On New Years Eve, I want you to ...

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TheNotebook (Steph♥)
On New Years Eve, I want you to kiss me at 11:59 & not finish that kiss until 12:01.
I'd have a perfect ending and a perfect beginning.


 

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

One Guy Didn't

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Three guys were tried for crimes against humanity.
Two guys committed crimes.
One guy didn't.

Three guys were given government trials.
Two guys had fair trials.
One guy didn't.

Three guys were whipped and beaten.
Two guys had it coming.
One guy didn't.

Three guys were given crosses to carry.
Two guys earned their crosses.
One guy didn't.

Three guys were mocked and spit at along the way.
Two guys cursed and spit back.
One guy didn't.

Three guys were nailed to crosses.
Two guys deserved it.
One guy didn't.

Three guys agonized over their abandonment.
Two guys had reason to be abandoned.
One guy didn't.

Three guys talked while hanging on their crosses.
Two guys argued.
One guy didn't.

Three guys knew death was coming.
Two guys resisted.
One guy didn't.

One.
Two.
Three guys died on three crosses.

Three days later.
Two guys remained in their graves.
One guy didn't.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

TEST AND RESPONSE

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[2]
TEST AND RESPONSE

Test: In which battle did Napoleon die?
 Response: His last battle

Test: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? Response: At the bottom of the page

Test: River Ravi flows in which state? Response: Liquid

Test: What is the main reason for divorce? Response: Marriage

Test: What is the main reason for failure? Response: Exams

Test: What can you never eat for breakfast? Response: Lunch and Dinner

Test: What looks like half an apple? Response: The other half

Test: If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will it become? Response: It will simply become wet

Test: How can a man go eight days without sleeping? Response: By sleeping at night.

Test: How can you lift an elephant with one hand? Response: You will never find an elephant that has only one hand.

Test: If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ? Response: Very large hands

Test: If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? Response: No time at all, the wall is already built.

Test: How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? Response: Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Sherlyn Chopra: I'm most comfortable when I'm nude

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Sherlyn Chopra
Starlet Sherlyn Chopra has become the first Indian who will feature on the cover of international adult magazinePlayboy, for which she shot a few days ago, posing entirely in the nude.

The photo shoot took place at the famous Playboy mansion in Los Angeles, in the presence of founder-owner Hugh Hefner. Word around Beverly Hills is that a model has to sleep with Hefner before she gets to be on the coveted cover. Sherlyn says that was hardly the case.

Sherlyn shares her Playboy experience with Ankur Pathak in an exclusive interview.

How was the entire experience at the Playboy mansion?
It was really too good to be true! The entire environment was so exciting and liberating and full of creative energies. The staff, the girls, the photo shoot team and above all the ultimate Playboy, Mr Hefner, were all very kind and affectionate.

TWITTER BUZZ: Deepak Chopra becomes butt of jokes

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Mystical guru Deepak Chopra’s attempt at enlightening people about cosmic consciousness has left twitterverse unimpressed. In fact, the self-help guru is being ridiculed on the micro-blogging site for his verbose tweets.
Chopra is famous for a string of books on spirituality and self-help such as Synchrodestiny: Harnessing the Infinite Power of Coincidence to Create Miracles and The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success: A Practical Guide to the Fulfillment of Your Dreams
By doling out spiritual gyan, he has managed to garner more than one million twitter followers and a fan following amongst Hollywood A-listers such as including Lady Gaga and Oprah Winfrey.
Recently, @deepakchopra tweeted , “The universe is a multidimensional spatio-temporal qualia experience in consciousness #CosmicConsciousness”.
The spiritualist’s previous post was also on similar lines, “Threads of memory , wisps of desire are the software of our souls that weave our destiny.”
For obvious reasons, his rather incoherent and verbose tweets have invoked Twitterati to poke fun at him.
Here’s a look at what people are saying on Twitter:
@doctoratlarge
Just when you thought that Rahul Gandhi is the biggest fraud in the Universe, Deepak Chopra tweets
@rameshsrivats
Yawn. Tell me something I don’t know. RT @DeepakChopra The universe is a multidimensional spatio-temporal qualia experience in consciousness
@thenksokbye
I want 3 of whatever Deepak Chopra has been smoking every morning.
@shuvankr
Qualia: Sardar mainey aapka Tempora kahiye hai @GabbbarSingh: Abhi Deepak Chopra Ka tweet padh! (Qualia screams in Multi-dimension)

Thursday, July 19, 2012

WISE OBSERVATION

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[1]
WISE OBSERVATION

The difference between in-laws and outlaws? 
Outlaws are wanted.Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong.
A tax is a fine for doing well.
Archeologist: Someone whose career lies in ruins.
An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have: 
The older she gets, the more interested he becomes in her.

There are two kinds of people who don't say much:
those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.

They say that alcohol kills slowly.
So what? Who's in a hurry ?

Alcohol and calculus don't mix.
Never drink and derive

One nice thing about egotists:
They don't talk about other people.

There was a man who said,
"I never knew what happiness was, until I got married
and then it was too late."

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.
After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.


Tuesday, June 19, 2012

A Truth,a lesson to learn or realize: Promises Are Not CONTRACTS

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A Truth,a lesson to learn or realize:

Promises Are Not CONTRACTS..
Kisses Are Not ASSURANCE..
Sweet Words Are Not GUARANTEES..
Big Hugs Are Not BONDS..

And That Nothing Is Permanent In This Life..

One Day someone will be yours,
The Next Day they r Gone..

One day We were Sweet,
Next moment we were Insensitive..

MOST IMPORTANT IS: "Loving someone Is Not Always About Fairytales & Fantasies,
It's About Truth And Realities."

Monday, May 28, 2012

‎10 THINGS THAT KILL A GIRL...

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1. When she sees her boyfriend talking to other girls..and the girl starts flirting...! ♥

2. when her boyfriend n her r texting/ instant messaging n the guy doesn't text her/msg her back fast enough...! ♥

3. when her boyfriend has the same class as her n he ignores her n hangs out with other friends...! ♥

4.when she sees her boyfriend checking out other girls while she's with him...! ♥

5. when she has to wait outside the movie theaters looking like a loner while she waits for her boyfriend that's 20 minutes late...! ♥

6. when her boyfriend acts like hes going to break up with her... he doesn't even have to act... its a vibe...! ♥

7. when she holds her hand out for her boyfriend to hold, and he jst keeps walking...! ♥

8. when her boyfriend acts like he is going to get her something special n he was just suggesting something... so she has to buy it herself...! ♥

9. when her boyfriend doesn't care abt her 1 week, 1 month, 1 year anniversary. n everything in between.. they r all special to her...! ♥

10. when she tells her boyfriend she loves him. n he says he loves her back, only bcoz he wants to get into her pants..! < / 3

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Ravi Shastri is 50 today? Like always, it has been a painfully slow and tiresome half-century

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Am told Ravi Shastri has already announced CSK three-times champion. May be he is also managing the http://iplt20.com website content.

Ravi Shastri turns 50 today. He'll buy just what the baker ordered & eat it faster than a tracer bullet. It'll go down to the vayar.

Ravi Shastri is 50 today? Like always, it has been a painfully slow and tiresome half-century

I can foresee Ravi Shastri asking Mike Hussey if he thought this was good time for the team to peak

Oh my! Ravi shastri looks so dapper in grey Kurta...

Today my fav commentator Ravi shastri B'day God Bless u Ravi bhai.......

After Aamir Khan's latest #SMJ episode, Ravi Shastri may have to rethink his "Just what the doctor ordered" cliche

and the age in which Ravi Shastri was born...the doctors didn't let couples to know if it was a boy or girl...births went to the wire always

Happy birthday Ravi Shastri. May God give you some sense to recognize who actually won (cricket is NOT the real winner).

I knew, on Ravi Shastri's birthday, Aamir Khan will take up the doctor's issue. After all, this is just what the doctor ordered! #SMJ

Friday, May 25, 2012

Sunny Gupta, Sehwag's favorite----a cross between Sunny Leone and Yana Gupta

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Sunny Gupta, Sehwag's favorite, is still trending. And yes he's not a cross between Sunny Leone and Yana Gupta


3-0-47-0 and a duck for Sunny Gupta, so to be fair to Sehwag he brought plenty of balance to the side




Post mortem: Sehwag made too many errors to win last night. Morkel out, some nameless Sunny Gupta (?) in, not opening the batting etc.




Wow sehwag wow! We were Just to forget Ajit agarkar n u brought us a Talent Sunny Gupta 3 over 47 Runs n a Duck ! Ur Captaincy Take a bow


Sunny Gavaskar at age 62 would be a better pick than SunnyGupta.


Sunny Gupta finishes 3 overs without any dot balls. He'll spend the rest of the evening searching for it on Google.


Sehwag has come on to bowl to prove that Sunny Gupta isn't that bad after all.


Sunny Gupta is actually Munaf patel in disguise..

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Petrol puns on Twitter

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As soon as the government announced what is being dubbed as the steepest petrol price hike in recent times, furious aam aadmi took to Twitter to release their angst against the raise. The attacks are funny but biting and blunt. State-run oil firms on Wednesday announced the biggest ever single-shot hike in petrol prices in 10 years. Petrol prices have been raised by an average of about Rs. 7.50 per litre. The firms claim they were forced to raise prices. Well, try and tell that to the people on Twitter.
"Did anyone remember oil companies reducing #petrol prices when international crude price went down except once?" tweeted @DevNakshi.
The government claimed it had no role to play in increasing the petrol price. Here was the retort: the government's claim was tagged as "#toplies".
Vehicles, in Delhi, queue up at a petrol pump on Wednesday evening to fill petrol in vehicle tanks before the steep hike in price gets effective. HT Photo By Sonu Mehta
Journalist Kanchan Gupta picked a hole in the price-hike argument with this logic: "Global oil prices at 7 month low. Indian petrol prices at all-time high. Congressnomics".
"Pay the highest price for petrol in the world when crude prices are down to lowest in 7 months? That's dishonesty," tweeted @Metrans.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Kirti Azad's 20-20 fast vs. IPL

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Kirti Azad today showed what a 20-20 fast is like! Started at 12.30 and over by 3.30!




Kirti Azad is on hunger strike demanding scraping of IPL. ...Someone please take him in a team!


We have a smaller unit of time than 'Kim Kardashian's marriage' now - 'Kirti Azad's fast'


Kirti Azad went on a hunger strike for scrapping of the IPL. He fasted in T20 style, started at 12:30 and ended at 3:30.


Kirti Azad didn't eat from 12.30 - 3.30pm and called it a fast? Normal people call it waiting for lunch on a Sunday.


I also fasted like Kirti Azad today- From Breakfast to Lunch ! #IPL


Kirti Azad : why u r alone and no response from ur Party . Might be all other has connection with IPL. Better next time

Mark Zuckerberg, why do you need a #dowry?

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Dowry trending on the day Mark Zuckerberg got married. Shame on you Mark, why do you need a dowry?

As today's topic is #Dowry I don't expect much outrage becoz chances are high that u might be watching #SMJ on a T.V. which u got in DOWRY!


This is preposterous! Amir Khan's #dowry show has made us forget all about Aishwarya's weight gain!

Deepika Padukone already Took an Entire Airline as #Dowry ...

I guess Aamir Khan will have one Avengers level episode eventually where he'll integrate #Dowry, Female Foeticide and other evils

SRK ban rocks twitter

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SRK's Wankhede ban might have a 'Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa' status, but here's what the online janta thinks about King Khan and his future...

Shahrukh Khan was defending the good faith of civilian against abusive law officials! 


Anyway, Shahrukh Khan is an actor no? He can always sneak in to the next match at Wankhede disguised as Salman Khan or something.




Banning SRK from Wankhede is like...

Banning Gautam Gambhir from Mehboob Studios

Banning Sachin Tendulkar from Yash Raj Films

Sending an MMS and stopping it from talking

How is it going to make any difference?

Banning SRK from Wankhede would lead to...

SRK banning Riteish Deshmukh from Mannat

SRK slapping Riteish whenever he gets the chance

Genelia's disappointment at being thrown out of the Khan camp even before getting a chance to work with him. Uff, yeh in-laws!

Neha Dhupia changing her infamous statement from 'Only sex and SRK sell', to 'Only sex and bans sell'

Aamir Khan talking about 'atrocities on kids on the play ground' as an issue on this week's Satyamev Jayate

SRK climbing up the income tax building's terrace to watch the matches. Pehle uspe Dish sawaar tha, ab woh Dish par sawar hai!

Riteish singing with tears in his eyes, 'Papa toh band bajaayein'

SRK changing the script of Ra.One 2 - the villain will bomb the MCA stadium before G.One comes in and saves the rest of the Mumbai

And what if?

Ambani's son had picked a fight at Wankhede with MCA officials? By now, Vilasrao Deshmukh would have been banned for five years, and not SRK

But you see

Even if they allege bad behaviour, it's stupid! Do MPs get banned from Parliament when they fling microphones? - Suhel Seth

This cartoon banning is going too far now they have banned SRK from Wankhede - Dilip Cherian

Ban ne bigad di jodi!

Poor, poor Riteish Deshmukh. We can only imagine the torment he must be going through right now. With his films usually bombing, his only hope of relevance in the film industry was being under the benign shadow of King Khan. But now that papa Vilasrao Deshmukh has, literally, bajao-ed his band and banned SRK, Riteish's only chances of ever sharing screen space with Shah Rukh - at award functions - is also nixed. So, here are some pictures of them in happier times. Have a close look, for these may well be relegated to the pages of nostalgia now!

PS: With Twitter exploding after the episode, guess who has been blissfully (or conveniently) ignorant? Riteish, perhaps because he is away in Goa, or perhaps because he daren't take sides between papa and Khan, only tweeted about Goa's "charm", and Abhishek's Bol Bachchan ("looking super big-bro, can't wait"). Silence, in this case, is golden.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Love Quotes And Sayings

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1.A smile is nearly always inspired by another smile. :) :)

2.For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart.
It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.

3.I'm sending you some kisses, I know you like them.

4.Accept the things to which fate binds you,
and love the people with whom fate brings you together,
but do so with all your heart.

5.Love dictates, but a kiss writes the secrets of the heart.

6.True love can blind you but at the same time if you let it,
it can also open your eyes.

7.Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear

8.Love is or it ain't. Thin love ain't love at all.

9.Love is a sudden revelation: a kiss is always a discovery.

10.Man loves little and often: Woman much and rarely.

11.Opposites attract, but after marriage, opposites attack.
Most of the time, we are attracted to people who don't have
the things that we have.
Incompatibility is why we get married,
but it's also used as a reason to divorce.
Incompatibility is just a lack of communication.
If we just try to love [our spouse] the way we want to be loved,
we are in trouble.
Unless you communicate,
it's difficult to know how to love another person.

12.One kiss breaches the distance between friendship and love.

13.I thought I loved him, but he had to break my heart
for me to know what true love really is

14.Sex is a momentary itch, love never lets you go.

15.So long as man remains free, he strives for nothing so incessantly
and so painfully as to find someone to worship.

16.I love thee, I love but thee
With a love that shall not die
Till the sun grows cold
And the stars grow old.

17.Love can make you do things that you never thought possible.

18.The kiss, a sweet discovery of oneself after a long search.

19.If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile,
the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand.

20.You will find, as you look back upon your life,
that the moments when you really lived are the moments
when you have done things in the spirit of love.

21.Truly love you endlessly.
Every day without you is like a book without pages.
I love you, I will always do, for the rest of our earthly and heavenly life.

22.True love always makes a man better, no matter what woman inspires it.

23.My night has become a sunny dawn because of you.

24.True love is indescribable, yet self-explanatory.

25.Time wounds all heels.

26.A baby is born with a need to be loved - and never outgrows it.

27.Arguments out of a pretty mouth are unanswerable.

28.Love is a vine that grows into our hearts.

29.If I don't know what true love is, how will I ever find it?

30.True love is a wonder that has no end or beginning.

31.A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech
when words become superfluous.

32.A hug is like a boomerang - you get it back right away.

33.Love, and do what you like.

34.A true man does not need to romance a different girl every night,
a true man romances the same girl for the rest of her life.

35.Love and electricity are one in the same, my dear.
If you do not feel the jolt in your soul every time a kiss is shared,
a whisper is spoken, a touch is felt, then you are not really in love at all.

36.You're not the only one who feels this way.

37.In real love you want the other person's good.
In romantic love, you want the other person.

38.True love is just like rain; it touches us all.

39.Love grows by giving.
The love we give away is the only love we keep.
The only way to retain love is to give it away.

40.A part of us remains where ever we have been.

41.To the world you may be someone, but to someone you may be the world.

42.True love is like a pair of socks you gotta have two and they've gotta match.

43.It is better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for what you are not.

44.Love is metaphysical gravity.

45.Wait for the one you love. Not the one who found you first.

46.The only abnormality is the incapacity to love.

47.When men and women are able to respect and accept their differences
then love has a chance to blossom.

48.We love because it is the only true adventure

49.You don't get to choose, You just fall.

50.Where there is great love, there are always miracles.

51.You can't ever be really free if you admire somebody too much.

52.Smile at each other, smile at your wife,
smile at your husband, smile at your children,
smile at each other--it doesn't matter who it is--
and that will help you to grow up in greater love
for each other.

53.Love is, above all, the gift of oneself.

54.Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.

55.So dear I love him that with him,
All deaths I could endure.
Without him, live no life.

56.Who so loves believes the impossible

57.The Eskimo has fifty two names for snow because it is important to them,
there ought to be as many for love.

58.If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving be me.

59.Did my heart love till now ? forswear it sight,
for I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.

60.There is nothing like love in this world unless you experience it.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Ravished

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He grabbed me round my slender neck,

I could not call or scream!

He dragged me to his dingy room

Where he could not be seen.

He tore away my flimsy wrap

And looked upon my form.

I was so cold and wet and scared,

Whilst he was hot and warm.

His feverish lips he pressed to mine

I gave him every drop

He drained me of my very self

I could not make him stop

He made me what I am today

That's why you find me here

A broken bottle, thrown away

That once was filled with beer! 

Tusshar Kapoor's flop "Butt" show on twitter

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Tusshar Kapoor's 'butt' show big flop on Twitter

Jitesh Jain ‏ @jiteshujain: Tusshar Kapoor........a.k.a. garibo ka John Abraham

Avinash Mhatre ‏ @avimhatre07: Tusshar Kapoor is an example of Silicon implants went wrong. Ye banda jo bhi karata hai galat ho jata hai. :p

Comedian Praveen ‏ @Funny_Leone: Why is everybody making fun of Tusshar Kapoor?.. just leave her alone..

vinodh ‏ @vinodhkrishNews: Tusshar kapoor to do a spoof of singham..wait a sec..tusshar exists? i thought he was a spoof on jitendra...#ohsillyme

Rake$£ Jhunjhunwala ‏ @jhunjhunwala Inspired BY Aamir Khan other actors also want to do social service.Tusshar kapoor can do social service by quitting acting .

Vikram Aditya ‏ @VikramAditya_1#3: WordsForYou Tusshar Kapoor 1. lol 2. lol and 3. lol #EverythingIsPossible

vedank singh ‏ @vedanksingh: Tusshar Kapoor - 'mycareer' (Error: Password too short) #CelebrityTwitterPasswords

Born To Troll ‏ @Trolled_Kid: One more tweet about Tusshar Kapoor and I lose hope in humanity! :P

Baani Grewal ‏ @Sir_Daar: Of all the weird-ass conversations I've ever heard, discussion about Tusshar Kapoor & his "boobs" has been the top runner!

Frootifer Vajpayee ‏ @Oinkoo: Tusshar Kapoor 's butt? It still exists after so many people kicked it?!

Saturday, May 12, 2012

#4AfterSexWords

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What's your name again?


 Do you accept card ?


U spoilt my Botox (Rakhee SAWANT)


"Whose videocam is that?"


 "Your good name please?"


Untie me now Goddammit!! :P


"ab AC chaloo karu?" (man) "ab AC band karo" (woman)


Now Sweep the Floor ~ Shiney Ahuja


"Please fill feedback form"


U wont Get Pregnant


 " Tomorrow send your boyfriend"


what time you leavin?


What? You have AIDS??


 Sutta dede na plz


Is that a Camera? 


"Will make you judge." - Abhishekh Manu Singhvi edition.


Where is my underwear? 


Who's in the window ? :P



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