Monday, May 28, 2012

‎10 THINGS THAT KILL A GIRL...

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1. When she sees her boyfriend talking to other girls..and the girl starts flirting...! ♥

2. when her boyfriend n her r texting/ instant messaging n the guy doesn't text her/msg her back fast enough...! ♥

3. when her boyfriend has the same class as her n he ignores her n hangs out with other friends...! ♥

4.when she sees her boyfriend checking out other girls while she's with him...! ♥

5. when she has to wait outside the movie theaters looking like a loner while she waits for her boyfriend that's 20 minutes late...! ♥

6. when her boyfriend acts like hes going to break up with her... he doesn't even have to act... its a vibe...! ♥

7. when she holds her hand out for her boyfriend to hold, and he jst keeps walking...! ♥

8. when her boyfriend acts like he is going to get her something special n he was just suggesting something... so she has to buy it herself...! ♥

9. when her boyfriend doesn't care abt her 1 week, 1 month, 1 year anniversary. n everything in between.. they r all special to her...! ♥

10. when she tells her boyfriend she loves him. n he says he loves her back, only bcoz he wants to get into her pants..! < / 3

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Ravi Shastri is 50 today? Like always, it has been a painfully slow and tiresome half-century

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Am told Ravi Shastri has already announced CSK three-times champion. May be he is also managing the http://iplt20.com website content.

Ravi Shastri turns 50 today. He'll buy just what the baker ordered & eat it faster than a tracer bullet. It'll go down to the vayar.

Ravi Shastri is 50 today? Like always, it has been a painfully slow and tiresome half-century

I can foresee Ravi Shastri asking Mike Hussey if he thought this was good time for the team to peak

Oh my! Ravi shastri looks so dapper in grey Kurta...

Today my fav commentator Ravi shastri B'day God Bless u Ravi bhai.......

After Aamir Khan's latest #SMJ episode, Ravi Shastri may have to rethink his "Just what the doctor ordered" cliche

and the age in which Ravi Shastri was born...the doctors didn't let couples to know if it was a boy or girl...births went to the wire always

Happy birthday Ravi Shastri. May God give you some sense to recognize who actually won (cricket is NOT the real winner).

I knew, on Ravi Shastri's birthday, Aamir Khan will take up the doctor's issue. After all, this is just what the doctor ordered! #SMJ

Friday, May 25, 2012

Sunny Gupta, Sehwag's favorite----a cross between Sunny Leone and Yana Gupta

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Sunny Gupta, Sehwag's favorite, is still trending. And yes he's not a cross between Sunny Leone and Yana Gupta


3-0-47-0 and a duck for Sunny Gupta, so to be fair to Sehwag he brought plenty of balance to the side




Post mortem: Sehwag made too many errors to win last night. Morkel out, some nameless Sunny Gupta (?) in, not opening the batting etc.




Wow sehwag wow! We were Just to forget Ajit agarkar n u brought us a Talent Sunny Gupta 3 over 47 Runs n a Duck ! Ur Captaincy Take a bow


Sunny Gavaskar at age 62 would be a better pick than SunnyGupta.


Sunny Gupta finishes 3 overs without any dot balls. He'll spend the rest of the evening searching for it on Google.


Sehwag has come on to bowl to prove that Sunny Gupta isn't that bad after all.


Sunny Gupta is actually Munaf patel in disguise..

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Petrol puns on Twitter

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As soon as the government announced what is being dubbed as the steepest petrol price hike in recent times, furious aam aadmi took to Twitter to release their angst against the raise. The attacks are funny but biting and blunt. State-run oil firms on Wednesday announced the biggest ever single-shot hike in petrol prices in 10 years. Petrol prices have been raised by an average of about Rs. 7.50 per litre. The firms claim they were forced to raise prices. Well, try and tell that to the people on Twitter.
"Did anyone remember oil companies reducing #petrol prices when international crude price went down except once?" tweeted @DevNakshi.
The government claimed it had no role to play in increasing the petrol price. Here was the retort: the government's claim was tagged as "#toplies".
Vehicles, in Delhi, queue up at a petrol pump on Wednesday evening to fill petrol in vehicle tanks before the steep hike in price gets effective. HT Photo By Sonu Mehta
Journalist Kanchan Gupta picked a hole in the price-hike argument with this logic: "Global oil prices at 7 month low. Indian petrol prices at all-time high. Congressnomics".
"Pay the highest price for petrol in the world when crude prices are down to lowest in 7 months? That's dishonesty," tweeted @Metrans.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Kirti Azad's 20-20 fast vs. IPL

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Kirti Azad today showed what a 20-20 fast is like! Started at 12.30 and over by 3.30!




Kirti Azad is on hunger strike demanding scraping of IPL. ...Someone please take him in a team!


We have a smaller unit of time than 'Kim Kardashian's marriage' now - 'Kirti Azad's fast'


Kirti Azad went on a hunger strike for scrapping of the IPL. He fasted in T20 style, started at 12:30 and ended at 3:30.


Kirti Azad didn't eat from 12.30 - 3.30pm and called it a fast? Normal people call it waiting for lunch on a Sunday.


I also fasted like Kirti Azad today- From Breakfast to Lunch ! #IPL


Kirti Azad : why u r alone and no response from ur Party . Might be all other has connection with IPL. Better next time

Mark Zuckerberg, why do you need a #dowry?

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Dowry trending on the day Mark Zuckerberg got married. Shame on you Mark, why do you need a dowry?

As today's topic is #Dowry I don't expect much outrage becoz chances are high that u might be watching #SMJ on a T.V. which u got in DOWRY!


This is preposterous! Amir Khan's #dowry show has made us forget all about Aishwarya's weight gain!

Deepika Padukone already Took an Entire Airline as #Dowry ...

I guess Aamir Khan will have one Avengers level episode eventually where he'll integrate #Dowry, Female Foeticide and other evils

SRK ban rocks twitter

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SRK's Wankhede ban might have a 'Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa' status, but here's what the online janta thinks about King Khan and his future...

Shahrukh Khan was defending the good faith of civilian against abusive law officials! 


Anyway, Shahrukh Khan is an actor no? He can always sneak in to the next match at Wankhede disguised as Salman Khan or something.




Banning SRK from Wankhede is like...

Banning Gautam Gambhir from Mehboob Studios

Banning Sachin Tendulkar from Yash Raj Films

Sending an MMS and stopping it from talking

How is it going to make any difference?

Banning SRK from Wankhede would lead to...

SRK banning Riteish Deshmukh from Mannat

SRK slapping Riteish whenever he gets the chance

Genelia's disappointment at being thrown out of the Khan camp even before getting a chance to work with him. Uff, yeh in-laws!

Neha Dhupia changing her infamous statement from 'Only sex and SRK sell', to 'Only sex and bans sell'

Aamir Khan talking about 'atrocities on kids on the play ground' as an issue on this week's Satyamev Jayate

SRK climbing up the income tax building's terrace to watch the matches. Pehle uspe Dish sawaar tha, ab woh Dish par sawar hai!

Riteish singing with tears in his eyes, 'Papa toh band bajaayein'

SRK changing the script of Ra.One 2 - the villain will bomb the MCA stadium before G.One comes in and saves the rest of the Mumbai

And what if?

Ambani's son had picked a fight at Wankhede with MCA officials? By now, Vilasrao Deshmukh would have been banned for five years, and not SRK

But you see

Even if they allege bad behaviour, it's stupid! Do MPs get banned from Parliament when they fling microphones? - Suhel Seth

This cartoon banning is going too far now they have banned SRK from Wankhede - Dilip Cherian

Ban ne bigad di jodi!

Poor, poor Riteish Deshmukh. We can only imagine the torment he must be going through right now. With his films usually bombing, his only hope of relevance in the film industry was being under the benign shadow of King Khan. But now that papa Vilasrao Deshmukh has, literally, bajao-ed his band and banned SRK, Riteish's only chances of ever sharing screen space with Shah Rukh - at award functions - is also nixed. So, here are some pictures of them in happier times. Have a close look, for these may well be relegated to the pages of nostalgia now!

PS: With Twitter exploding after the episode, guess who has been blissfully (or conveniently) ignorant? Riteish, perhaps because he is away in Goa, or perhaps because he daren't take sides between papa and Khan, only tweeted about Goa's "charm", and Abhishek's Bol Bachchan ("looking super big-bro, can't wait"). Silence, in this case, is golden.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Love Quotes And Sayings

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1.A smile is nearly always inspired by another smile. :) :)

2.For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart.
It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.

3.I'm sending you some kisses, I know you like them.

4.Accept the things to which fate binds you,
and love the people with whom fate brings you together,
but do so with all your heart.

5.Love dictates, but a kiss writes the secrets of the heart.

6.True love can blind you but at the same time if you let it,
it can also open your eyes.

7.Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear

8.Love is or it ain't. Thin love ain't love at all.

9.Love is a sudden revelation: a kiss is always a discovery.

10.Man loves little and often: Woman much and rarely.

11.Opposites attract, but after marriage, opposites attack.
Most of the time, we are attracted to people who don't have
the things that we have.
Incompatibility is why we get married,
but it's also used as a reason to divorce.
Incompatibility is just a lack of communication.
If we just try to love [our spouse] the way we want to be loved,
we are in trouble.
Unless you communicate,
it's difficult to know how to love another person.

12.One kiss breaches the distance between friendship and love.

13.I thought I loved him, but he had to break my heart
for me to know what true love really is

14.Sex is a momentary itch, love never lets you go.

15.So long as man remains free, he strives for nothing so incessantly
and so painfully as to find someone to worship.

16.I love thee, I love but thee
With a love that shall not die
Till the sun grows cold
And the stars grow old.

17.Love can make you do things that you never thought possible.

18.The kiss, a sweet discovery of oneself after a long search.

19.If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile,
the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand.

20.You will find, as you look back upon your life,
that the moments when you really lived are the moments
when you have done things in the spirit of love.

21.Truly love you endlessly.
Every day without you is like a book without pages.
I love you, I will always do, for the rest of our earthly and heavenly life.

22.True love always makes a man better, no matter what woman inspires it.

23.My night has become a sunny dawn because of you.

24.True love is indescribable, yet self-explanatory.

25.Time wounds all heels.

26.A baby is born with a need to be loved - and never outgrows it.

27.Arguments out of a pretty mouth are unanswerable.

28.Love is a vine that grows into our hearts.

29.If I don't know what true love is, how will I ever find it?

30.True love is a wonder that has no end or beginning.

31.A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech
when words become superfluous.

32.A hug is like a boomerang - you get it back right away.

33.Love, and do what you like.

34.A true man does not need to romance a different girl every night,
a true man romances the same girl for the rest of her life.

35.Love and electricity are one in the same, my dear.
If you do not feel the jolt in your soul every time a kiss is shared,
a whisper is spoken, a touch is felt, then you are not really in love at all.

36.You're not the only one who feels this way.

37.In real love you want the other person's good.
In romantic love, you want the other person.

38.True love is just like rain; it touches us all.

39.Love grows by giving.
The love we give away is the only love we keep.
The only way to retain love is to give it away.

40.A part of us remains where ever we have been.

41.To the world you may be someone, but to someone you may be the world.

42.True love is like a pair of socks you gotta have two and they've gotta match.

43.It is better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for what you are not.

44.Love is metaphysical gravity.

45.Wait for the one you love. Not the one who found you first.

46.The only abnormality is the incapacity to love.

47.When men and women are able to respect and accept their differences
then love has a chance to blossom.

48.We love because it is the only true adventure

49.You don't get to choose, You just fall.

50.Where there is great love, there are always miracles.

51.You can't ever be really free if you admire somebody too much.

52.Smile at each other, smile at your wife,
smile at your husband, smile at your children,
smile at each other--it doesn't matter who it is--
and that will help you to grow up in greater love
for each other.

53.Love is, above all, the gift of oneself.

54.Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.

55.So dear I love him that with him,
All deaths I could endure.
Without him, live no life.

56.Who so loves believes the impossible

57.The Eskimo has fifty two names for snow because it is important to them,
there ought to be as many for love.

58.If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving be me.

59.Did my heart love till now ? forswear it sight,
for I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.

60.There is nothing like love in this world unless you experience it.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Ravished

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He grabbed me round my slender neck,

I could not call or scream!

He dragged me to his dingy room

Where he could not be seen.

He tore away my flimsy wrap

And looked upon my form.

I was so cold and wet and scared,

Whilst he was hot and warm.

His feverish lips he pressed to mine

I gave him every drop

He drained me of my very self

I could not make him stop

He made me what I am today

That's why you find me here

A broken bottle, thrown away

That once was filled with beer! 

Tusshar Kapoor's flop "Butt" show on twitter

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Tusshar Kapoor's 'butt' show big flop on Twitter

Jitesh Jain ‏ @jiteshujain: Tusshar Kapoor........a.k.a. garibo ka John Abraham

Avinash Mhatre ‏ @avimhatre07: Tusshar Kapoor is an example of Silicon implants went wrong. Ye banda jo bhi karata hai galat ho jata hai. :p

Comedian Praveen ‏ @Funny_Leone: Why is everybody making fun of Tusshar Kapoor?.. just leave her alone..

vinodh ‏ @vinodhkrishNews: Tusshar kapoor to do a spoof of singham..wait a sec..tusshar exists? i thought he was a spoof on jitendra...#ohsillyme

Rake$£ Jhunjhunwala ‏ @jhunjhunwala Inspired BY Aamir Khan other actors also want to do social service.Tusshar kapoor can do social service by quitting acting .

Vikram Aditya ‏ @VikramAditya_1#3: WordsForYou Tusshar Kapoor 1. lol 2. lol and 3. lol #EverythingIsPossible

vedank singh ‏ @vedanksingh: Tusshar Kapoor - 'mycareer' (Error: Password too short) #CelebrityTwitterPasswords

Born To Troll ‏ @Trolled_Kid: One more tweet about Tusshar Kapoor and I lose hope in humanity! :P

Baani Grewal ‏ @Sir_Daar: Of all the weird-ass conversations I've ever heard, discussion about Tusshar Kapoor & his "boobs" has been the top runner!

Frootifer Vajpayee ‏ @Oinkoo: Tusshar Kapoor 's butt? It still exists after so many people kicked it?!

Saturday, May 12, 2012

#4AfterSexWords

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What's your name again?


 Do you accept card ?


U spoilt my Botox (Rakhee SAWANT)


"Whose videocam is that?"


 "Your good name please?"


Untie me now Goddammit!! :P


"ab AC chaloo karu?" (man) "ab AC band karo" (woman)


Now Sweep the Floor ~ Shiney Ahuja


"Please fill feedback form"


U wont Get Pregnant


 " Tomorrow send your boyfriend"


what time you leavin?


What? You have AIDS??


 Sutta dede na plz


Is that a Camera? 


"Will make you judge." - Abhishekh Manu Singhvi edition.


Where is my underwear? 


Who's in the window ? :P



Rescue Ambedkar from the clutches of Dalit leaders

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What's so offensive in this Shankar cartoon on Dr Ambedkar?! It appeared on 28 August 1949 in Shankar's Weekly..

If Ambedkar were alive today he would be so ashamed of his disgraceful, ugly followers. What a sickening episode.


Rescue Ambedkar from the clutches of Dalit leaders


 Ironically the name of the building in which Suhas Palshikar's office is located is 'Dr. Babasaheb AmbedkarBhavan'."


My 87 yr old uncle who saw the freedom struggle closely: Have those outraging over the Ambedkar toon spent 1\4th the time reading his work?


Prof Palshikar's office attacked! So now you understand democracy guaranteed by Dr Ambedkar to us Indians, is the last thing they value.


The NCERT book in which "offending" cartoon appears. p 18 A first rate intro to the constitution. Read the book


NCERT trending as if it is a Lady Gaga coNCERT.


Hungama Channel to start a new top cartoon show named 'Kapil Sibal' based on the story of Ambedkar-Nehru #cartoon in an NCERTtextbook.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Love & Sex

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At the college, male & female students were told to individually write
a sentence using the words 'sex' and 'love.'

Females wrote:
"When two mature people are passionately and deeply in love with
one another to a high degree and that they respect each other very much,
then, it is spiritually and morally acceptable to the society that
they both engage themselves in the act of physical sex with one another."

Men wrote:
"I love sex"!

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Yusuf Pathan is the Air India of KKR.

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Cost: $2.1mn. Runs (in 9 innings): 59 off 71 balls. Wickets (in 8 innings): 1 for 116. Man, this Yusuf Pathan is the Air India of KKR.




PWI fail to win despite Yusuf Pathan's efforts.


Shahrukh Khan to replace Yusuf Pathan with a KKR cheerleader next match


Sharukh Khan should have purchased YusufPathan frm Flipkart. In that way he could have atleast got a replacement guarantee.


Yusuf Pathan is the new Agarkar/Nehra, when it comes to winning matches for the opposition.


Yusuf Pathan has been a bigger disappointment that Pune's batting.


Maybe it's time Yusuf Pathan changes his name to YuselessufPathan. No? Okay.


Ra.One is looking better for SRK when compared with YusufPathan


Yusuf Pathan and Dale Steyn should trade places to feel at home in their respective teams


Yusuf Pathan is clearly the dud of the tournament so far...


Tomorrow if Sidhu says Yusuf Pathan is not playing well, that too will be called communal, because Sidhu is a BJP MP. 




Yusuf Pathan - is useless but looks important




Yusuf Pathan's performance has been such that Rahul Gandhi visited his home recently.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Jokes Of Mr. Bean

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1) BRAIN TUMOR: 
Doctor: I regret to tell you that 
you have a brain tumor.
Mr. Bea n: Yesss!!! 
(jumps in joy) 
Doctor: Did you understand what 
I just told you? 
Mr. Bea n: Yes of course, do you 
think I'm dumb? 
Doctor: Then why are you 
so happy?
Mr. Bea n: Because that proves 
that I have a brain! 

2) MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL: 
Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Bea n: 9 
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Mr. Bea n: Are you trying to fool me, 
you've just twisted the figure, 
the answer is 6!! 

3) WHILE IN A DRUG STORE: 
Mr. Bea n: I'd like some vitamins 
for my grandson. 
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Mr. Bea n: Any will do, my grandson 
doesn't know the alphabet yet!! 
4) AT AN ATM MACHINE: 
Friend: What are you looking at?
Mr. Bea n: I know your PIN no., 
hee, hee. 
Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. 
if you saw it? 
Mr. Bea n: four asterisks (****)!

5) Marriage: 
Friend: How many women do you 
believe must a man marry?
Mr. Bea n: 16 
Friend: Why?
Mr. Bea n: Because the priest says 4 richer, 
4 poorer, 4 better and 4worse. 

6) CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND:
Friend: How was the tape you borrowed 
from me, is it Ok?
Mr. Bea n: What do you mean ok, 
I thought it's a horror film. 
I didn't see any picture. 
Friend: What tape did you took anyway?
Mr. Bea n: Head Cleaner. 
7)DEATH OF HIS MOTHER:
Mr. Bea n:(crying) the doctor called, 
Mom's dead. Friend: condolence, my friend. (After 2 minutes) Mr. Bea n cries even louder Friend: what now? Mr. Bea n: my sister just called, 
her mom died too! 

8) MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING: 
Colleague: Sorry I'm late. 
I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs 
because of a power failure.
Mr. Bea n: That's alright, me too..
I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs. 
9) Spelling lesson:
Mr. Bea n's Son: Dad, what is the 
spelling of successful.. ..is it one c or two c?
Mr. Bea n: Make it three c to be sure!  

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Ashok and the interviewer - Are you good at logic?

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Ashok, a fresh computer graduate from a world-class University, goes for an
interview in a software company.

The interviewer is Sunder, a grubby old man. And the first question he asks
Ashok is, `Are you good at logic?'

`Of course,' replies Ashok.

`Let me test you,' replies Sunder. `Two men come down a chimney. One comes
with a clean face and the other comes out with a dirty face. Which one would
wash his face?'

Ashok stares at Sunder. `Is that a test in Logic?' Sunder nods.

`The one with the dirty face washes his face', Ashok answers wearily.

`Wrong. The one with the clean face washes his face. Examine the simple
logic. The one with the dirty face looks at the one with the clean face and
thinks his face is clean. The one with the clean face looks at the one with the
dirty face and thinks his face is dirty. So, the one with the clean face washes
his face.'

`Hmm. I never thought of that," says Ashok. `Give me another test.'

Sunder holds up two fingers, `Two men come down a chimney. One comes out with
a clean face and the other comes out with a dirty face. Which one washes his
face?'

`We have already established that. The one with the clean face washes his
face.'

`Wrong. Each one washes one's face. Examine the simple logic. The one with
the dirty face looks at the one with the clean face and thinks his face is
clean. The one with the clean face looks at the one with the dirty face and
thinks his face is dirty. So, the one with the clean face washes his face.
When the one with the dirty face sees the one with the clean face washing his
face, he also washes his face. So each one washes one's face.'

`I didn't think of that!' says Ashok. `It's shocking to me that I could make an
error in logic. Test me again!'

Sunder holds up two fingers, `Two men come down a chimney. One comes out with a
clean face and the other comes out with a dirty face. Which one washes his
face?'

`Each one washes his face.'

`Wrong. Neither one washes his face. Examine the simple logic. The one with
the dirty face looks at the one with the clean face and thinks his face is
clean. The one with the clean face looks at the one with the dirty face and
thinks his face is dirty. But when the one with clean face sees that the one
with the dirty face doesn't wash his face, he also doesn't wash his face. So
neither one washes his face.'

Ashok is desperate. `I am qualified for this job. Please give me one more
test!'

He groans when Sunder lifts his two fingers, `Two men come down a chimney. One
comes out with a clean face and the other comes out with a dirty face. Which
one washes his face?'

`Neither one washes his face', Ashok replies, `I have learnt this logic.'

`Wrong, again. Do you now see, Ashok, why programming knowledge is
insufficient for this job? Tell me, how is it possible for two men to come down
the same chimney, and for one to come out with a clean face and the
other with a
dirty face? Don't you see the flaw in the premise?'"
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